Lord, give to me a quiet heart

That does not ask to understand

But confident steps forward in

The darkness guided by thy hand.

Ms. Hannah Massey is coming over for espresso. Espresso+PJs+snuggling w/ Merlin puppy.~ I love rainy days. 

“First it Begins inside your heart. Something moves. Then opens. Then frees itself. And now you feel a rhythm breaking its long silence. This is going to be good.” 

Guess what I spotted today! Racheal and I went to the Bickett Farmer’s Market to pick up milk and behold I ran into my favorite gourd…pumpkins!!! It is a shame that these are only seasonal ornamentals. I love pumpkins. They are prettier than any flower and they they make decadent desserts. Their orange hue is the key to true Fall within my heart. Now spotted my eyes are open wide, awaiting cooler temperatures and fallen leaves. It is close. 

This morning I was sitting at 12 1/2 Hargett Street talking with some lovely ladies. Roybn and L*Joy asked me what I was up to these days. Answering typically, I told them I was up to very little. Which would be true for a post-college graduate with no full time job. But on the way home I got this feeling that I short changed my answer. This is probably been the most fruitful season of my life. Growing like an olive tree, cultivated in so many directions, and pruned for the coming season of change- a huge move across country. ekk.

August and September have been marked by days in the kitchen, long walks, short runs, and lots of reading. Living with my best friend and her husband has been such a blessing. Daniela has taught me the joys of grocery budgeting, farmers markets, cleaning house, and cooking for a husband. We have baked everything from cookies, to cakes, and even rainbow color turd-looking-icing cupcakes. You would be impressed. 

I have four clinical nights left for my Nursing Assistant Certification. If nothing else, I have learned compassion. It takes a lot of compassion to care for someone who cannot preform any personal care. Last night I began to think about compassion verses kindness. I experienced deep sadness over my hearts broken inclination to kindness. Christ-like kindness is preemptive mercy. While we were still yet sinners, Christ loved us and died for us. In Romans 11:22 we are called to practice the same grace. Corinthians 13 proclaims kindness as apart of love. However, as sinners kindness in the way Jesus shared is not our natural response. In a book I have been reading lately, the author says that kindness isn’t a personality trait, it is a fruit of the spirit. I can practice compassion, but I can’t practice kindness. Oh how I long to be made a women of kindness. I pray that my mercy for others would spring forth from every molecule of my being. With all I can understand, this isn’t going to happen over night. Instead this will be a long dance with my Savior, a lifetime of growing in His graces. How thankful I am for the Lord’s words in Lamentations:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

his mercies never come to an end;
23 they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”

25 The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.

Love,N

Raleigh is different in the summer. Most of the college kids leave and the more fortunate depart for summer homes. I love -> the quietness of nights spent in the backyard hammock, Saturday mornings at the flee market and yard sales, cashing out at the farmers market for fresh fruits and veggies, the german man who sales the two buck bread sticks- a sinful cheesy delight. Free concerts in Moore square. Sidewalk art venues and nights spent on the curb of Hargett St with BigBoss and friends. Fathers and Sons for the best 80s frocks and vintage bathing suits. 

I love more that I have yet to even think about a tan [call me Nicole Kidman-I’ll rock it] or a pool. soon though. SPF is on the Target list. June is on the way and Raleigh will be upwards of 100*F. [This is not running weather!]

I have spent endless hours trying to figure out what to blog about. For all those who are wondering, I am still alive! I have been so busy. The truth is I have more to write about than I know how to handle. My community group would say my Jesus mash-potatoes are falling off my preverbal plate. Life is really good.

I’m still running- 7 miles and pushing 8. My friend Dana has graciously been running along with me. He certainly didn’t know that a Sunday afternoon lunch at The Pit would turn into him training for a half marathon, he isn’t running in. The miles seem easier with someone else, and I’m encouraged to keep going even when I’m bored. For the first few weeks we ran, the hills were tough. My knees would scream and I’d want to stop. But the more days we run, the easier it gets. Quite frankly, it is a bet strange. I never thought of myself as a runner. However, after weeks of training, even when I’m tired, a few more miles look like nothing. I always tell Dana I want to stop at “such and such” point, but when we get there, I always find myself saying “well, we’ve been this far, lets just keep going.” Now I know how Forest Gump felt. 

Sunday I graduated from Meredith College. With a few grunts, a final C in a tough class, and long hours in the library, my final applause was well worth the effort. I love this place. At graduation the speaker and former Meredith graduate, Gretchen Holt, founder of Cookies for Kids Cancer, said something along these lines: “You may leave Meredith College, but Meredith will not leave you.” The values and truths I have learned at Meredith will be forever engrained in my heart. It will always be “love, peace, and CORN.” And you will “just have to experience it”. I’ll forever cherish the faces of my professors cheering and clapping as we processed into the amphitheater. And the way my dad danced like a big kid in the pine straw- all goofy and awkward. “Get over here, you,” I exclaimed, taking a moment to hug him. A lot of the girls decorated their graduation caps with things that described their four years, or where they were bound. On mine, I inscribed my favorite Psalm (16:6 “The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places, indeed I have a beautiful inheritance”). Ironically, the Chaplin, Sam Carothers read this Psalm for the scripture reading. I was struck that out of the whole bible he choose these same words to describe the day. I have received greatly, been blessed immensely, and now its time to move on, to reap what has been sown. With every day I’m learning to be a more diligent woman, like Ruth and Sarah, executing what I’ve learned- despite a few mistakes along the way. Oh, sweet, MC, you will always be home to me. 

The weekend before graduation, I turned 22. I defiantly don’t feel older. But this age comes with a new life phase. I’m no longer a true college student, however I’m still in school.  In July I’ll start a 20 month nursing school program. This adventure begins with 6 pre-nursing classes. In September I’ll apply to the 16 month Accelerated BSN program at North Carolina Central, a predominately African-American University. I will most likely be the only woman person in my class of 20 students. For this, I am thrilled. My cousin always said I thrive in culture, in the minority. I love learning about people and don’t mind being the green thumb. A year in Italy taught me this lesson. I often think back to a particular Cafe trip with Giacomo. When our coffee arrived, we took the espresso shots and I commenced to licking my spoon. I thought this Italian man was going to have a heart attack right then and there. All the while, his Italian under-briefs twisting into a wad. Apparently this action was culturally rude. Giacomo didn’t have a problem telling me, either. I tried to hide my laughter, knowing he too would make shameful mistakes in his time in the United States. Sometimes you just have to lick the spoon. It is okay to be different. 

In other news, I am writing to you from my swanky new MacBook Pro. Amaris and I initiated it the other night by spending thirty minutes using Photo-Booth. This thing is completely hip and totally over my head. Fortunately, I have my own personal apple-genius to help me with all its complexities. My friend Jonathan came over this week and performed an official “pimp my computer” operation on it. I now have tons of applications including a chat system, tweet deck, and gmail/Facebook notifications on the tool bar. In return, I burnt him some cheese quesdillas. Thankfully, there is more than one way to a man’s heart. 

Summer is looking bright. I’m currently making a plan, to make a plan. I have discovered “ical” on my computer and have gone to town working on my calendar for the summer. I am also currently working on a summer reading list. I would love to have a book club. If you are interested in joining- let me know! I’m now very easy to contact, thanks to my synched mac and iphone. And if you’d like to be a little more old fashion (preferred)- write me a letter! I have been receiving a lot of mail lately. I love getting letters and writing back. Yesterday a letter arrived from Italy, written completely in Italian. This one will take me a while to respond. So, if you want to write me you will need my new address. Because thats right, I’m moving- again! 

Amaris Hames, also endearingly known as “momma” or “armchair” and I are moving into a cute little house on Derby Drive. We are 6 blocks from city housing, 7 minutes from church, and 8 light years away from my mom feeling comfortable about me living there. Its a good neighborhood, its is just surrounded by some “questionable” areas. However, Amaris and I feel called to this house. I discovered it at an ungodly hour on craigslist. I don’t know why I was awake at 4 am.  I had not planned on moving, but found myself looking at real estate online. Within 9 days, we looked at the house, met the owners, filled out applications, and signed the lease. We don’t know what this house will bring, but we have hope. A house is a tool which when used properly, should be both a place of rest and hospitality. Amaris and I envision both of these things for our little home. But also a few more. If you stop by mid-July don’t be surprised if you find a chicken coop in the backyard and a hammock between the oak tree and old laundry post. If you step into the storage shed, you might find a dark-room for the in-house photographer.  And as long as nursing school doesn’t consume me, there will always be a home cooked meal on the table, granola in the cabinet, and yogurt in the fridge. Amaris will stock the baked goods; there will never be a shortage of brownies, cupcakes, and banana bread. We want you to come over. We’d love to have your cat, roommate, daughter, grandma, brother, and uncle too. Bring ‘em all- we love them too. Just take your shoes off at the door, and leave before bedtime. 

Phewwww. If your still reading- I think you’ve made it. I’m pretty sure that about covers it. I told you my Jesus mash-potatoes were overflowing. 

I have been so busy I haven’t be able to blog, or eat even (I just made it to the grocery store for the first time in 2 weeks- this morning my breakfast included of Keifer, the last 2 frozen Strawberries, 1/2 cup frozen blueberries, and chocolate protein in the blender. It was time). I will not complain about this. My life may be a messy, loud, crazy, but its beautiful. Truely beautiful. I find myself praying for quiet, but nothing in my life (including my very LOUD friends) resembles quiet or stillness. I’m thankful for the quiet I get every once in a while. I heard my favorite song last night and it reminded of God’s unending grace. John Mark McMillan wrote, “Oh how He loves us.” This song gets me every time. It plays heart strings that no guitarist could. Last night I was especially struck by this verse. “If grace is an ocean we’re all sinking.”  How easy it is to forget that His thoughts are not my thoughts, His ways, not my ways (Isiaih 55:8).

Here is the Readers Digest version of my last 10 running/rest, manic, beautiful days:

Taylor and I went to the beach to relax and see Darius Rucker at the House of Blues. We were VIPs, thanks the Virgina Forbes’s Nike connections. Taylor and I were representing the missing generation at this shindig. As normal poor broke college students we cannot afford such venues. We lived a few hours in pretend land. The music was great, I love me some Hootie and the Blowfish. I grew up on there tunes, just like sweet tea, rocking chairs, and football games. Its a Southern thing.

 The beach was refreshing and renewing. I was scheduled to run 6 miles, but was taken out of the zone during the fourth mile by a text message to my iphone, which is also my ipod and pedometer. (Darn smart phone). The only way to free my mind from this inch thick idiot box is too put it on airplane mode. In it’s current state, I’m ready to throw it out the window. Anyway, I digress. I ended up running 5 miles that weekend, and 6 this weekend. I am pleased and will take it!

I have a friend who is training for a 5k using the “Couch to 5K program”. He is your typical shy runner. Currently, two of my friends meet at least once a week for a trail run through Umstead State Park. We cannot get Will to run with us! He doesn’t believe me that if he just put his mind to it, the miles would roll out themselves. Lately I have been saying that if you had a number of miles written down, and you knew you HAD to do it, you would. I voluntarily signed up for a half-marathon. It’s the goal I want to accomplish, not the race I want to win. The miles that take me there are rough, but they are just miles. If you can wrap your head around the perseverance, you can do it!  I hope this brings encouragement. No one said you had to run fast. I may be the tortoise, but I’ll finish laughing and loving the back of the pack!

I have sustained my first two injuries. My vibrams rubbed a horrid blister on the arch of my foot. I was still nursing this one back to health when yesterday my knee gave out on me. I walked a mile home, praying the whole way that this wouldn’t be the end of my adventure. Crippled for a few hours, ice, and a lot of pitty from friends :), it’s okay! I think I’ll invest in a knee brace, just in case. Any thoughts?

Now for a little homework. I am graduating in 2 weeks, after all. I better get to it. Love yall!

Nic